the x's on your calendar.

Hard Games.

2010-01-24T20:20:00.008-03:00

Again life is playing hard on me, again all those fears come with me to remember that I wont be alone anymore. Feelings are double edged, and they can teach you how to survive to the worst storm or they can put you in the middle of a gun fight. Am I taking risks? Of course.
With this on my mind, I started to take these pills, please forgive me I only want to forget all of this, like its never happened. All the blame that is chasing me would dissapear, and I will be fighting with myself; just a dose and I'll be ready. A chemical reaction, that blocks the biochemical pathways in my mind; and you will be gone with this nightmare.
Do I have another way? yes I do. Dig this dagger inside my stomatch and wait until the oxygen collapse my body, while I see the sun exploding across the sky.

A secret in words.

2009-06-22T17:39:00.003-03:00

Words cannot tell you a story, but you can imagine how it will be. An accurate imagination makes it possible. I never thought you would get so deeper, I always sent you away to never get involved. But here I am, sitting by the white light. Noise and confusion inside my mind, and I dont know how am I supposed to feel anymore.

You took me to happiness, and now you are deceiving me back to hell. I see your body and its beautiful, not perfect, but enough for me; the way you kissed me, no one in the entire world can kiss that way, and missing you right now.

What happened to us?, What is left of that?, I guess Im the only one who is asking this...

Possibilities are lucky things, and Im not superstitious. Am I asking too much if I want to feel your lips close to me, your breath and your heart beating faster once again?.

I never wanted to know your ex's or your friends, I only want a crush with you and see what it could be, my words will never tell you the truth.

Colors could be magic, but its on you to put it all together again, and not give us an achromatic reality. Paint the world with all you have, because your smile and your eyes are the brightest of all the colors that you can put together in your mind.

Words cannot tell you a story or the truth, but they can tell you feelings, the way you think, or at least a secret within...

Between Years.

2009-03-03T07:55:00.004-02:00

Here I am again, chatting with you like we used to. Saying silly and no endings words that focus my mind on you the first time we met. Situations that never come to an end, feelings remain in a cage.
Unfinished dreams, and I've never been so happy to meet you again; and that you say that words to me: "Never Forget Me" are now inside of my head.
Days over days, I thought you wouldnt recognize me, that you didnt like me or a lot of bleeding illusions that as usually my mind likes to create.
I could throw away all my life for you, all my feelings; theres something about that got stuck in my head, four years ago.
Life took us in different places, with different faces, but you... you were my first love that never come to life. But now, reality is chasing us down.
No Storylines, No words, Always YOU in my mind, I kissed him and I taste you, I always want to be with you, I followed you in the background, like a child game.
I know that I dont have any chance now, I know you have someone now... I'm dying to be her, but im not. And in this game, I loose. But I dont care, as you know I never care about whats happening, or what not, Im fighting for what is worth.
But as you know, I will be waiting, and you wont even recognize me, in the background between years and years, because you are the key to the locked heart under my skin...

Leaving Your life.

2009-01-27T21:53:00.005-02:00

All my thoughts become my nightmare, every step that I was sure to take to reach to your feelings and heart now have gone away, far across in an empty distance.
Confusion is written in modern times, I dont want to complicate your life, I dont want it. But Im afraid that is the only thing that Im doing.
Lately, I've been thinking the best way to do it, I cant stand seeing how I hurt you; but missing you will be my killing time and every second counts.
I would like to take your hand, and take you there, but I promised to protect you from anyone, anyone includes me.
I was waiting for this moment, that you are so close to me; it makes so happy like I can climb to look an star for you. You are something that I cannot reach, but now you are taking steps to me.
You'll be better without me, no more complications, no more people from the past that want to tear us apart, no more you and me, and that is the worst and painful scar.
This is harder than you know, I dont know what to do, how to do it. Do I have to talk less with you?, What do I have to do to make this go through?. I cannot believe it my mind is leaving your life, but I want you more than anything else. Now you will have to make me believe and make everything happens, please save me from myself and let me be your future.

Go Away.

2009-01-14T21:47:00.004-02:00

As I lay dying, counting the seconds of truth beneath all the promises that we broke; remembering how life could take all that innocence away.
Rain falls inside my confidence, I tried everything for you, being what you want, what you dont want; but you know I killed the real me.
Why am I still holding this ring? Why does it mean so much for me?, Its just a silver piece that inside is broken, as you, as me, as we.
Happiness broke my heart, and pulling back everything I always wanted to do, to be, to see; and you're not there. And that is awesome.
We used to be so in control, and now everything is hanging from this edge, this cliff. You know that I dont believe in fear, I dont have fear, I just face it. Wind starts to blow my hair, as Im looking down. But in a sight, my heart explodes, my blood starts to boil. My eyes turn from a light brown to a dark one. I start to show my tusks. Why?, Who is he?
I can kill him and you in just a moment, It will be so easy for me, just a game. But I dont like playing with lives.
Since that moment, my skin went colder, I dont care about anyone or anything. I forget about time and place, and I built another me, just to protect me and know how the people mind works.
And now you, a completely stranger for me, wants to know the real me, I dont understand it, I dont want to hurt anyone, Im colder, and you wont try to warm my feelings, you cant; I dare you. What do you see in me? Why are you so interested?. I dont want to hurt you, please go away now that you can...

Another Me.

2009-01-07T12:59:00.001-02:00

I woke up today, the clock was ringing but no sound came into my mind. Now I stare at the mirror, and the truth that reveals me is unbelievable.
My eyes have changed to black, the colour on my face went away. I feel colder inside, like my blood is becoming red snow.
Try to look harder, closer but nothing comes up. I'm frozen at the scene. My face looks so different without piercings, I guess Im coming clean.
This life is breaking in this sight, life is like a puzzle and for fixing mine's Im missing a piece. Not looking back, no regrets. I've made that choice, so life went away from me and I burnt my soul and heart so I cannot feel anymore.
Why do I need a feeling? It seems that feelings only catch you off guard and makes you the happy person in the entire world or the miserable at best.
I finding a side of me that I didnt know, a reflection of my mind that was hidden by my empty optimism. Confusion was left behind, all the fears went away as I fade into this twilight.
My mind walk through this sinthetic sensation, real in my thoughts but fake in my eyes. My addiction starts tonight as I melt into this chemical creation...

Party Afterlife.

2009-01-02T07:17:00.006-02:00

Glowing lights, Djs, music, the beat of an electronic song. Emotions arent allowed, just you and nothing else. Giving free kisses to someone that you dont know, that you're not gonna see him again.
Drugs, Alcohol, Drinks, Blowing your mind. An echo of sanity starts to say something in your deepest side of your mind; but you prefer nothing just silence. You don't wanna to feel the pain, so you take everything that you want to not feel it. But dont you know that pain is still there?, everything matter for just one second of pleasure, do you know how many seconds does life has?.
The night goes on, and everything is about that night. It WAS the night, remember that life is more granted that just one night of feeling high.
Addiction, Abuse, Sex; and you dont have anything. But you like it.
But everything that matters comes next, when you woke up being nobody, feeling that you need to do all that to feel loved, accepted, safe. But dont you know that is better way to talk, to get to know people, to feel all that without nothing else, just you being yourself?.
But you know, people always want to hide from the pain; to put that strange feeling outside, to try to disguise it, but it never happens. If you dont want to feel it just face it.
I hope that you are not like all the guys down there, hiding the pain away with nothing, with that life that takes you to death, or just will be a feelings coma. And I just want you to be on the top of the world, just take my hand and let me save you...

Broken Frame.

2008-12-24T11:57:00.004-02:00

I found a big picture, the one that I didnt forget. The one that our smiles shine brighter than the brightest star in the whole universe. Years have been passed since that moment, and nothing seems as real as before.
I miss you more than I could ever imagine, you were my world but life is like a huge bill, and death pays the cost. Unsaid things, unshared moments, thoughts and feelings that I couldnt explain in just a word. All the preety scenes, all the wasted time wont heal this curse and I cant find you now...
The only thing that you left is this big picture, like its not happening, like it never was. My unconscious memory reveals me the awful truth. I was your little boy, do you remember that?. Did you remember that when you were holding my hand? Did you remember that when an angel come to take you so far away?.
Days and days, I was waiting for you to come back home, to do that funny things that you always did. But that was just another artificial reality from my deepest wishes. I was left in the middle of nowhere, by myself; always wondering how things will be if you were here.
But I will keep all the records in my memory, and I will burn this picture as my life in the world come to an end...

Empty Gifts.

2008-12-23T18:39:00.003-02:00

Why do I want to have big Tv's if I cannot see it with you?, Do I really need this CD's if I cannot listen them with you?, When are you going to realize that a moment by your side worth more than an iPod?.
Shopping Fees, Credit Cards, Toys, Clothes that are fashionably late; Do you think that I need all those empty minded gifts?.
But you are not here, and my sickness is more than anyone could ever imagine. Five minutes to midnight and I have all these expensive gifts but I will give it all away just for a minute with you...
So pour champagne, this dream is over.

Midnight Lights.

2008-12-21T14:14:00.004-02:00

This could be like another night, but it isnt. An accident, your hand, my nightmare. With that preety smile you said 'goodbye' to a world that was too big for your self existence.
I cant hold your hand, and your eyes take the last look of the illusion of our hearts; never looking back, to the end. And the end has come earlier...
The warmth of your face remembers me that your heart is draining blood through your veins, as your destiny collides. Time is ticking out, hold your last breath, enjoy the last time that your lungs fill out before it takes you there.
Closer, big, dark, unfolded dreams, all is crashing down. Lights, Dreams, Love, all fade to black. And I dont, I wont give up this time. I know that I can save you, but I dont want you to be part of this.
Maybe its better to leave you die this way, maybe I should kiss your lips until your skin get colder; but im so afraid, I love you to death.
Our story has come to an end, but all I want to say is that I will follow you wherever you are going to, I will pick up from the mercy of the world as I promised when we first met, I'm at your side this time.
I cannot take this, I wont do it, I wont. My mind starts to blind itself, tragedy seems to be my world now, why? why didnt I run away and save you from this horrible night?. I'm the one to blame, and all that city lights that one minute before midnight starts to shine...

The Waiting.

2008-10-30T22:50:00.004-02:00

Tonight you cast all my fears aside. A new breath of air that I'm starting to receive. You are everything and more that I was looking, but time is not enough.

I like you, and you like me. You told me that makes you more than happy and being all time high, but.. What is this feeling about?. Why too soon?.

That kiss, the way you speak, your eyes; I just cannot forget. But you're not mine, and we both know that we can't be. So why life is pulling love away from me?.

Soon a trip will make all our fantasies to fade, and I can't do anything, although I wanna to take your hand now. Why do we have to wait if we can be happy right now?.

All these questions, without an answer came in my mind; and i'm just trying to figure it out; why do you have to go? why do you wanna a distance love, when everything that you needs is close and you're tearing us apart?. Can you think about it?.

True love always wait, but if we can be together, happy and enjoying our lives do you really need to do that trip?. I dont want you to decide me or him, because I will lose all my chances, I know that.

I know that it wont be easy for me and for you, life and love are complicated; but if you have the guts and the feeling to tear all down and fight for true love as I did, I do and I'll do. I'm wondering, can you do that?.

Everything now, seems to have a reason, a way to be, because we both know that we are meant to be, its now or never...

Trick or Treat?.

2008-10-27T09:17:00.005-02:00

Pack your bags with some kind of special patience, fill all your illusory dreams with hope. Why dont you melt your skin with that old halloween costume?; yes, with the one that made the stars envied you.

Im so far away right now, and im not looking back. No regrets are allowed here. Since the day that you've taken off that special costume, our reality fell at our knees. Runaway was the only solution for me. But you keep knocking on my door full of expectation but.. no one will answer this time.

Is that a trick or a treat?.

Lifestyle.

2008-10-26T05:18:00.005-02:00

tonight REMEMBER all the mistakes and burn them away, we get caught. nothing is left. make up, lipstick, eyeliner trash them all.

lets spend the last minute giving away kisses, as YOU are used to do. a moment, a ticket, a trip to nowhere. there's no place for feelings this time...