Again life is playing hard on me, again all those fears come with me to remember that I wont be alone anymore. Feelings are double edged, and they can teach you how to survive to the worst storm or they can put you in the middle of a gun fight. Am I taking risks? Of course.
With this on my mind, I started to take these pills, please forgive me I only want to forget all of this, like its never happened. All the blame that is chasing me would dissapear, and I will be fighting with myself; just a dose and I'll be ready. A chemical reaction, that blocks the biochemical pathways in my mind; and you will be gone with this nightmare.
Do I have another way? yes I do. Dig this dagger inside my stomatch and wait until the oxygen collapse my body, while I see the sun exploding across the sky.
1.24.2010
6.22.2009
A secret in words.
Words cannot tell you a story, but you can imagine how it will be. An accurate imagination makes it possible. I never thought you would get so deeper, I always sent you away to never get involved. But here I am, sitting by the white light. Noise and confusion inside my mind, and I dont know how am I supposed to feel anymore.
You took me to happiness, and now you are deceiving me back to hell. I see your body and its beautiful, not perfect, but enough for me; the way you kissed me, no one in the entire world can kiss that way, and missing you right now.
What happened to us?, What is left of that?, I guess Im the only one who is asking this...
Possibilities are lucky things, and Im not superstitious. Am I asking too much if I want to feel your lips close to me, your breath and your heart beating faster once again?.
I never wanted to know your ex's or your friends, I only want a crush with you and see what it could be, my words will never tell you the truth.
Colors could be magic, but its on you to put it all together again, and not give us an achromatic reality. Paint the world with all you have, because your smile and your eyes are the brightest of all the colors that you can put together in your mind.
Words cannot tell you a story or the truth, but they can tell you feelings, the way you think, or at least a secret within...
3.03.2009
Between Years.
Here I am again, chatting with you like we used to. Saying silly and no endings words that focus my mind on you the first time we met. Situations that never come to an end, feelings remain in a cage.
Unfinished dreams, and I've never been so happy to meet you again; and that you say that words to me: "Never Forget Me" are now inside of my head.
Days over days, I thought you wouldnt recognize me, that you didnt like me or a lot of bleeding illusions that as usually my mind likes to create.
I could throw away all my life for you, all my feelings; theres something about that got stuck in my head, four years ago.
Life took us in different places, with different faces, but you... you were my first love that never come to life. But now, reality is chasing us down.
No Storylines, No words, Always YOU in my mind, I kissed him and I taste you, I always want to be with you, I followed you in the background, like a child game.
I know that I dont have any chance now, I know you have someone now... I'm dying to be her, but im not. And in this game, I loose. But I dont care, as you know I never care about whats happening, or what not, Im fighting for what is worth.
But as you know, I will be waiting, and you wont even recognize me, in the background between years and years, because you are the key to the locked heart under my skin...
Unfinished dreams, and I've never been so happy to meet you again; and that you say that words to me: "Never Forget Me" are now inside of my head.
Days over days, I thought you wouldnt recognize me, that you didnt like me or a lot of bleeding illusions that as usually my mind likes to create.
I could throw away all my life for you, all my feelings; theres something about that got stuck in my head, four years ago.
Life took us in different places, with different faces, but you... you were my first love that never come to life. But now, reality is chasing us down.
No Storylines, No words, Always YOU in my mind, I kissed him and I taste you, I always want to be with you, I followed you in the background, like a child game.
I know that I dont have any chance now, I know you have someone now... I'm dying to be her, but im not. And in this game, I loose. But I dont care, as you know I never care about whats happening, or what not, Im fighting for what is worth.
But as you know, I will be waiting, and you wont even recognize me, in the background between years and years, because you are the key to the locked heart under my skin...
1.27.2009
Leaving Your life.
All my thoughts become my nightmare, every step that I was sure to take to reach to your feelings and heart now have gone away, far across in an empty distance.
Confusion is written in modern times, I dont want to complicate your life, I dont want it. But Im afraid that is the only thing that Im doing.
Lately, I've been thinking the best way to do it, I cant stand seeing how I hurt you; but missing you will be my killing time and every second counts.
I would like to take your hand, and take you there, but I promised to protect you from anyone, anyone includes me.
I was waiting for this moment, that you are so close to me; it makes so happy like I can climb to look an star for you. You are something that I cannot reach, but now you are taking steps to me.
You'll be better without me, no more complications, no more people from the past that want to tear us apart, no more you and me, and that is the worst and painful scar.
This is harder than you know, I dont know what to do, how to do it. Do I have to talk less with you?, What do I have to do to make this go through?. I cannot believe it my mind is leaving your life, but I want you more than anything else. Now you will have to make me believe and make everything happens, please save me from myself and let me be your future.
Confusion is written in modern times, I dont want to complicate your life, I dont want it. But Im afraid that is the only thing that Im doing.
Lately, I've been thinking the best way to do it, I cant stand seeing how I hurt you; but missing you will be my killing time and every second counts.
I would like to take your hand, and take you there, but I promised to protect you from anyone, anyone includes me.
I was waiting for this moment, that you are so close to me; it makes so happy like I can climb to look an star for you. You are something that I cannot reach, but now you are taking steps to me.
You'll be better without me, no more complications, no more people from the past that want to tear us apart, no more you and me, and that is the worst and painful scar.
This is harder than you know, I dont know what to do, how to do it. Do I have to talk less with you?, What do I have to do to make this go through?. I cannot believe it my mind is leaving your life, but I want you more than anything else. Now you will have to make me believe and make everything happens, please save me from myself and let me be your future.
1.14.2009
Go Away.
As I lay dying, counting the seconds of truth beneath all the promises that we broke; remembering how life could take all that innocence away.
Rain falls inside my confidence, I tried everything for you, being what you want, what you dont want; but you know I killed the real me.
Why am I still holding this ring? Why does it mean so much for me?, Its just a silver piece that inside is broken, as you, as me, as we.
Happiness broke my heart, and pulling back everything I always wanted to do, to be, to see; and you're not there. And that is awesome.
We used to be so in control, and now everything is hanging from this edge, this cliff. You know that I dont believe in fear, I dont have fear, I just face it. Wind starts to blow my hair, as Im looking down. But in a sight, my heart explodes, my blood starts to boil. My eyes turn from a light brown to a dark one. I start to show my tusks. Why?, Who is he?
I can kill him and you in just a moment, It will be so easy for me, just a game. But I dont like playing with lives.
Since that moment, my skin went colder, I dont care about anyone or anything. I forget about time and place, and I built another me, just to protect me and know how the people mind works.
And now you, a completely stranger for me, wants to know the real me, I dont understand it, I dont want to hurt anyone, Im colder, and you wont try to warm my feelings, you cant; I dare you. What do you see in me? Why are you so interested?. I dont want to hurt you, please go away now that you can...
Rain falls inside my confidence, I tried everything for you, being what you want, what you dont want; but you know I killed the real me.
Why am I still holding this ring? Why does it mean so much for me?, Its just a silver piece that inside is broken, as you, as me, as we.
Happiness broke my heart, and pulling back everything I always wanted to do, to be, to see; and you're not there. And that is awesome.
We used to be so in control, and now everything is hanging from this edge, this cliff. You know that I dont believe in fear, I dont have fear, I just face it. Wind starts to blow my hair, as Im looking down. But in a sight, my heart explodes, my blood starts to boil. My eyes turn from a light brown to a dark one. I start to show my tusks. Why?, Who is he?
I can kill him and you in just a moment, It will be so easy for me, just a game. But I dont like playing with lives.
Since that moment, my skin went colder, I dont care about anyone or anything. I forget about time and place, and I built another me, just to protect me and know how the people mind works.
And now you, a completely stranger for me, wants to know the real me, I dont understand it, I dont want to hurt anyone, Im colder, and you wont try to warm my feelings, you cant; I dare you. What do you see in me? Why are you so interested?. I dont want to hurt you, please go away now that you can...
1.07.2009
Another Me.
I woke up today, the clock was ringing but no sound came into my mind. Now I stare at the mirror, and the truth that reveals me is unbelievable.
My eyes have changed to black, the colour on my face went away. I feel colder inside, like my blood is becoming red snow.
Try to look harder, closer but nothing comes up. I'm frozen at the scene. My face looks so different without piercings, I guess Im coming clean.
This life is breaking in this sight, life is like a puzzle and for fixing mine's Im missing a piece. Not looking back, no regrets. I've made that choice, so life went away from me and I burnt my soul and heart so I cannot feel anymore.
Why do I need a feeling? It seems that feelings only catch you off guard and makes you the happy person in the entire world or the miserable at best.
I finding a side of me that I didnt know, a reflection of my mind that was hidden by my empty optimism. Confusion was left behind, all the fears went away as I fade into this twilight.
My mind walk through this sinthetic sensation, real in my thoughts but fake in my eyes. My addiction starts tonight as I melt into this chemical creation...
My eyes have changed to black, the colour on my face went away. I feel colder inside, like my blood is becoming red snow.
Try to look harder, closer but nothing comes up. I'm frozen at the scene. My face looks so different without piercings, I guess Im coming clean.
This life is breaking in this sight, life is like a puzzle and for fixing mine's Im missing a piece. Not looking back, no regrets. I've made that choice, so life went away from me and I burnt my soul and heart so I cannot feel anymore.
Why do I need a feeling? It seems that feelings only catch you off guard and makes you the happy person in the entire world or the miserable at best.
I finding a side of me that I didnt know, a reflection of my mind that was hidden by my empty optimism. Confusion was left behind, all the fears went away as I fade into this twilight.
My mind walk through this sinthetic sensation, real in my thoughts but fake in my eyes. My addiction starts tonight as I melt into this chemical creation...
1.02.2009
Party Afterlife.
Glowing lights, Djs, music, the beat of an electronic song. Emotions arent allowed, just you and nothing else. Giving free kisses to someone that you dont know, that you're not gonna see him again.
Drugs, Alcohol, Drinks, Blowing your mind. An echo of sanity starts to say something in your deepest side of your mind; but you prefer nothing just silence. You don't wanna to feel the pain, so you take everything that you want to not feel it. But dont you know that pain is still there?, everything matter for just one second of pleasure, do you know how many seconds does life has?.
The night goes on, and everything is about that night. It WAS the night, remember that life is more granted that just one night of feeling high.
Addiction, Abuse, Sex; and you dont have anything. But you like it.
But everything that matters comes next, when you woke up being nobody, feeling that you need to do all that to feel loved, accepted, safe. But dont you know that is better way to talk, to get to know people, to feel all that without nothing else, just you being yourself?.
But you know, people always want to hide from the pain; to put that strange feeling outside, to try to disguise it, but it never happens. If you dont want to feel it just face it.
I hope that you are not like all the guys down there, hiding the pain away with nothing, with that life that takes you to death, or just will be a feelings coma. And I just want you to be on the top of the world, just take my hand and let me save you...
Drugs, Alcohol, Drinks, Blowing your mind. An echo of sanity starts to say something in your deepest side of your mind; but you prefer nothing just silence. You don't wanna to feel the pain, so you take everything that you want to not feel it. But dont you know that pain is still there?, everything matter for just one second of pleasure, do you know how many seconds does life has?.
The night goes on, and everything is about that night. It WAS the night, remember that life is more granted that just one night of feeling high.
Addiction, Abuse, Sex; and you dont have anything. But you like it.
But everything that matters comes next, when you woke up being nobody, feeling that you need to do all that to feel loved, accepted, safe. But dont you know that is better way to talk, to get to know people, to feel all that without nothing else, just you being yourself?.
But you know, people always want to hide from the pain; to put that strange feeling outside, to try to disguise it, but it never happens. If you dont want to feel it just face it.
I hope that you are not like all the guys down there, hiding the pain away with nothing, with that life that takes you to death, or just will be a feelings coma. And I just want you to be on the top of the world, just take my hand and let me save you...
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